her name was carine, or so it sounded in her shy German accent. she was on a mandatory field trip of sorts, studying geography and urban planning at the university of büren. and, having been unwittingly volunteered, i found myself on a warm and unusually beautiful morning playing tour guide to the brooding ugliness of downtown los angeles.
i noticed her instantly—a raven haired girl with an expression of genuine interest in the locale. perhaps it was the break from my regularly scheduled day, one generally mired in hopelessness and measured in sighs. or, perhaps it was the turn towards what was to me an oddity—urban planning grad students from germany touring, specifically, the skid row area. more likely, it was the raven-haired girl carine i couldn’t help but cast a curious glance every so often. whatever the case, the surrounding environ ceased to be oppressive. i realized that the abject state of the various men and women—the latest unfortunate skid row fixtures—though no less saddening, were not my burden. that’s how i felt, at least, for the first time in what seemed like ages.
and so i glanced her way. chatted with some other grad students. caught her eyes, brown with a hint of green. they said they liked new york, but not los angeles. she returned the stare.
it went back and forth like this as we rounded sixth and san pedro, suspended play as we listened intently to two former drug addicts retell their recovery stories, then finally made contact.
“yo, yo —, that girl’s giving you the eye. it’d be kinda nice to have a pretty little german girl, yeah?” my co-worker said as much before engaging in conversation with another student. i tried my best to hide the smile that formed on my face, the kind that refuses to be supressed. not a moment had passed when the girl who would be carine turned to face me. she asked me a question, sparking conversation.
i would like to say that i am a master of conversation, that the contents of our exchanges were endlessly intriguing and inciting laughter, spinning that invisible web we both wouldn’t care to extricate ourselves from. i would like. the truth more closely resembles that of two timid souls fumbling speech and mangling meanings. without question, we were lost in translation at times. but, for all that we lacked in verbal communication, there was a palpable mutual attraction. she would go on to the urban planning nightmare that is san francisco and eventually back to germany, and i would return to my usual nine to five programming. but, that knowledge was enough, that for a few hours, a person i knew nothing of from half way around the world connected with the maladroit that i am.
and so she left with her class and i returned to the office, somewhat floating through the day. and my thoughts would stray to those wide brown-green eyes, to my ineptitude to say anything winning. my thoughts continued to stray as i entered the subway station, not so concerned with getting home as quickly as possible. the usual suspects dotted the yellow caution lines, awaiting the next train. a few stragglers raced to board another train about to depart. familiar bursts of warm, filthy air rushed through the underground channel. everything was as it had been in days, weeks, months past. yet it felt different. i felt different, as though i’d been slipped rose-colored glasses unbeknownst to me. unconsciously, my hand fished through my bag, weaving through an obstacle course of objects in disarray before emerging with an i-pod concealed in a makeshift cover. headphones set aright, i pushed play.
gold is the sun
as she wonders where he’s gone.
far away, will they meet again some day?
future.
future.
future.
i smiled.
